I have started a new job on the West Coast. Moving from Ontario all the way to British Columbia, about 4000 km/2500 miles. With that, every aspect of my life has evolved, and I had to adapt. I had to set up my own place. Adjust to long working hours schedule, and with that, I had to run during my free time to do shopping, furnish my apartment from scratch. From the spoon to the bed, to the couch, to the laundry basket, to the pillow, plus doing grocery shopping in between. It was a hectic storm. It was a full-time job, 7 days a week for weeks. Actually, it’s hitting 5 months soon and I’m still doing that rollercoaster, but, slowly improving now.
My two cats had to adjust to the new environment, and for those who don’t know, cats are very sensitive to routine and place changes. It takes weeks to adjust and be comfortable once again in a new place. But, they’re eventually starting to feel like it’s their new home, especially the ginger one “Shalaan”. The little grey one “Ghaima” is just so peaceful, very patient, very tolerant, such a sweetheart. He gets anxious but he keeps it to himself, he’s a patient introvert. Shaalan is an impatient extrovert.
Just when I felt that I started setting my feet on the ground, after weeks of hustle and bustle, one day after I was back from a very long day at work. My kitten Ghaima was not waiting for me at the door as usual, like every day. He dragged himself after I entered my place and slowly came and squeezed his whiskers into my leg two times. Then he slowly went farther away and sat down. His belly moved quickly up and down. I felt worried. I kept watching him through that evening. It was not slowing down. Up and down, deeply and quickly. My worry has increased. I was so tired, like so tired. It was a long day. I wanted him to be checked by a Vet doctor. I don’t have one here. I’m just new to this city. It was also getting late at night. It was the weekend as well. I googled to see if there is an emergency Vet doctor to get him to check Ghaima, and alhamdulillah, there was! There was a central Vet Hospital with an emergency department and everything, like human hospitals, open 24/7. I felt some sort of relief to find out, but not completely, since there was still a conflict inside of me, between denying there is something wrong with him and between taking him to get checked. I was tired, it was a long work day. But I finally dragged myself and took him, along with Shalaan (Just as a companion) to the hospital.
It was a Saturday, the weekend of June 5th, 2021. The night was a bit cold although it was nice during the day, luckily I took a jacket with me, for some reason. I arrived there at the hospital, and there were few people waiting inside their cars, parking outside the hospital’s emergency door. Some, alone, and some with their pets. There were quite a few. Oh COVID! The door was locked and there was a sheet with a phone number stuck on there. I needed to call prior. So, I called, and an operator quickly responded, it was like the 911 line for pets. They asked me several questions about Ghaima’s situation, to assess him, and determine if he is really having a serious problem. Then they hang up and asked me to wait until they pass the information to the Vet doctor. So, we did, me, Ghaima, and Shaalan sitting in their carriers, standing outside there, shortly after, a technician opened the door and took Ghaima for physical assessment. We should stay outside and wait -Oh COVID!- for the final decision. It was a cold night, so I waited for a bit, but it is becoming longer, and I felt Shaalan shouldn’t endure that stress and cold, outside with me, waiting for them to call us back. So I went back to my car which was parked in the hospital parking lot across the street because their small front lot was full. We waited inside the car, Shaalan being apprehensive; not sure what’s going on, and surprisingly that night, he and Ghaima did not resist going out with me, nor did they meowed a single meow. It even sounded like -especially Shaalan- wanted to go out (he always does like to). But, after that wait, outside, then inside the car, he started to be impatient and started meowing, but conservatively, in a shy way. When that started, I received a call, after an hour of waiting in the car, I received the call from the Vet doctor.
Ghaima was initially diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. The initial signs, the physical exam, the fluid accumulation in his lungs, and his inability to breathe at that point (my notice of his chest going up and down, deeply and quickly). were all suggestive of CHF. But, they needed to confirm it with an Ultrasound. I was in shock, I couldn’t believe it. That Vet was so unkind, she bombarded me with so much bad news, she wouldn’t stop talking, that I couldn’t take it anymore, I burst into tears. That doctor lacked empathy.
Ghaima was put on Oxygen support, and on a diuretic to flush away that fluid build-up in his lungs, to help him with breathing. But, that wouldn’t happen right away. He had to be monitored for at least 12 – 24 hours. So, he should spend the night in the hospital. I was devastated. He is my lovely kitty son.
I now remember, when I took Ghaima and Shaalan to their Vet in Ontario for complete blood and physical check-up before moving to British Columbia. The Vet told me about hearing a whooshing sound in Ghaima’s pumping heart. He said it could be a sign of a heart problem. I couldn’t believe him. Ghaima looks so healthy to me. I was in denial and didn’t want to deal with extra worry since I was dealing with so many other responsibilities for that move. Ghaima was about a 7-month-old kitten at that time.
Today, I’m reflecting, those who experienced a loved one on oxygen support, those with COVID-19 staying in the ICU, those with an asthma attack and ran out of their rescue puffer, the increasing number of babies with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)-(ضمور العضلات الشوكي الوراثي), that we are increasingly seeing on social media that they can’t get their life-saving injection because it is insanely expensive; almost $2.8M, yes, that is right! 2.8 million CADollars cost of one life-saving injection! The feeling of helplessness in those situations. Watching the suffering of a loved one, and thoughts turmoil with a shaken ones’ world. This is what this experience revealed to me.
Not sure how that night was spent over, I fell asleep from crying, worrying, and tiredness altogether. I slept probably for 2 hours. They told me that another Vet doctor should update me about his situation in the morning, upon shift change. The nurses there sent me a picture of him at around 6 am. It was such a nice gesture:
Then after that, the Vet doctor gave me a call around 7 am. This time, I felt so much better talking to this one, she was extremely empathic, and she put me at ease, despite also giving me the bad news, that his breathing is still not improving much, and he needs to stay longer at the hospital on Oxygen support and until the diuretic medication kicks in.
This was also a lesson to me, of how much a caregiver in distress could sense when speaking about their loved ones with a healthcare provider. It was also a reminder to myself being at the opposite end of the table.
I felt some sort of hopeful relief despite the bad news, and after seeing his picture. I had to go back to work on that Sunday morning.
I had to focus, there is no room for error in pharmacy. From time to time during that day, my mind was wandering around, about little Ghaima in the hospital. I couldn’t help myself from having tears coming down my cheeks, every now and then. Some of my regular patients noticed that, and they were extremely sweet without being direct. Just that look of empathy.
The day went by well, and just near the end of it, and about 20 hours after Ghaima’s admission, I received another phone call from the hospital. This time a different Vet doctor upon another shift change. This time I received good news; Ghaima’s breathing has improved, and the diuretic started working. Yes! But he recommended that he stays another night in the hospital, for further confirmation, and because it was a Sunday and a specialist; a Vet cardiologist is not available to do the differential diagnosis with ultrasound. So, I patiently agreed.
Monday morning around 5 am, I checked on him again, his medical condition was more stable. I had to go to work again that morning. The day went by almost the same, as was yesterday. Holding myself from shedding some tears, and focusing. This is also a message to our patients and clients out there, that a healthcare provider is a human being too. You don’t know what he/she is going through in life, and despite that, we are trying to be selfless, and focus on you, during our circles of care (shifts). So, please be understanding and more patient as possible.
Finally, that afternoon around 2 pm, a Vet cardiologist was able to perform the ultrasound. The gold standard tool to confirm heart diseases in cats. Ghaima’s initial diagnosis was confirmed. He has Congestive Heart Failure. His situation was stabilized at that point, and he could be discharged, but I had told him, I can pick him up in few hours after my shift ends.
It was such a different world picking up Ghaima from the hospital that night, with 4 medications in hand, and instructions to take care of him. It is just different. Someone who suddenly receives overwhelming responsibilities, someone who has to accept that their health or that of their loved ones is not perfect and they have to change their mentality going forward, could probably understand this feeling. It is just a different world with a different outlook in the beginning. Denial, tears, apprehension, sadness, denial again, and then finally acceptance with a different outlook.
